June 8th 2020
Hi everyone, sorry I’ve been so quiet this last month (if you follow my social media you’ll know I’ve been busy, busy, busy with working from home, along with looking after Ffion and there’s been a huge decline in my dad’s health (he has advanced Parkinson’s Disease) so my head space has been preoccupied I’m afraid.
Anyways! Last week saw the 20 week scan milestone! Woo Hoo!! I felt less anxious going on my own this time and knew my little bean was ok as I had bought a doppler from someone on Facebook Marketplace and had heard that reassuring quick beat of my baby’s heartbeat (I know that these dopplers are not recommended but I hadn’t felt the baby move and it was £5, so I thought it was worth it.. Which it was. Every midwife will tell you not to purchase one).
One of the first details the sonographer gave me was that I had an anterior placenta which was located quite far down and I would need another scan at 34 weeks to see if it had moved. This didn’t bother me as I know I can’t have children naturally (due to the complications of Ffion’s birth) and was having a C section this time again, so no danger. This news also made perfect sense as the lady explained the baby kicks won’t be felt until much later on due to the placenta acting as an air bag. I have found this link about Anterior Placenta’s in pregnancy, in case you are looking for professional advice… https://www.tommys.org/pregnancy-information/im-pregnant/anterior-placenta
I wanted to know the gender as I have saved all of Ffion’s clothes, toys etc and more so because I couldn’t bare the thought of having the ‘Do you think it’s a boy or girl’ conversation for another 20 weeks. So, I asked half way through “Any ideas yet? Girl or boy?” and her reply was “we both think you are having another little girl”… Yippee!! Don’t get me wrong, giving Phill a son would have been wonderful but there are so many positives to having a girl and I knew we would both be over the moon, whatever the gender was. So, here is my 2nd daughter ladies and gentleman….
We also had some troubling news..
I’ve been umm’ing and ahh’ing about sharing this next bit of information on here, but I think if it can help just one other parent then it’s worth it as I have searched high and low and can find nothing online about this situation we have found ourselves in.
At the end of the scan the senior sonographer asked if she could do a quick scan again, as she wanted to check over one area that the student sonographer was unsure about.
After 5 minutes they explained that the adrenal glands were quite prominent and were not sure what that meant so were referring me to the local hospital for a second opinion. After an hour the senior screening midwife called to explain that they were also unsure of what this meant for my daughter and I would be referred, again to the Fetal Medical Dept in a specialised hospital over an hour away. Our scan is tomorrow and although Phill can’t come into the scanning room with me, he is allowed to sit in the waiting room and we have been assured that the Dr will be talking to us both together after the scan.
Yes, my nerves are shot! Yes, I did exactly what each professional told me not to do and searched Google and yes, I have thought of all the worst scenarios. I think the worst part is not knowing. When you know, whether it’s good, bad or horrific you digest the information, deal with the emotions that come with that and then hopefully acceptance finally comes.
I have searched and searched online and I just can’t see what this may mean for our daughter. I wish I did. But I suppose tomorrow will bring us the news/information we are desperate for and we have discussed at length this weekend about it all and have agreed that whatever happens, she will be loved and we will do whatever we can to make her life as easy/straightforward as possible for her. The best outcome is that they say it’s ok, the glands will reduce throughout the pregnancy etc etc.
I will update you all on the outcome of tomorrow later on in the week. I just thought I’d share this honest post with you all as I could quite easily have done the ‘Gender Reveal’ blog that so many others have the privilege to do and you guys would be none the wiser, but that is not why I started The Swan Effect Mum.
I started it as I wanted to discuss ALL elements of parenthood, good, bad and ugly… So here is a bit of the ugly guys. Thank you for taking time to read this and if you are reading this years down the line and are going through something similar, please get in touch with me. Because I really wish I had someone to talk to right now who could put my over anxious mind at rest.
So, here goes! A life with 2 daughters! God help me in 13 years if they’re going to be anything like I was as a teenager!
Lots of Love, xx