I love being busy but sometimes you can feel like your only managing to do everything at a basic rate… I’m learning to slow down and manage these all better!
Everyone who knows me, knows that I very rarely sit still and am always up to something new and interesting. Before settling down in my mid 30’s I filled my days, weekends and years doing what I could to fill my life with memories. All the things I knew I would struggle to do once I started a family; Festivals, travelling across the world, university (Twice!!), weekends away with friends/family and working my way up the career ladder. Sounds silly, but I wanted to set myself with the right foundations for when I finally decided to settle down.
Having a baby changed my life. Completely. But oh how it’s kept me busy and given me happiness in a way I never felt possible. Ffion is a joy and I loved maternity leave with her, but I always knew that I was coming back to work full time… Although so many other new and old mums thought I shouldn’t.
”Do you ever look at social media posts and think ‘Damn!! She has such a great life!”… “Well, don’t. Think about it, when was the last time you uploaded a realistic post that really represented your true life? No-one ever does“.
Do your own thing, in your own way… Trust me!
Everything was great until I went back to work. During my maternity leave I was able to keep on top of the cleaning (all down to Mrs Hinch I may add), washing, DIY and believe it or not I even began to experiment with dinners!! I was on fire!! Loving my little domesticated life and niaevly thought I’d be able to maintain this Mary Poppins routine whilst also working full time. Stop laughing!! I can hear you…
I didn’t take into consideration that my daughter would be absolutely exhausted every day as she would only nap for 20 minutes, due to the fact she was having the best time of her life with her new buddies at the childminders so would be clingy and grouchy as soon as we got home. I mean, how is Mary Berry supposed to bake the best beef and ale pie whilst shaking off a crying baby clinging to her ankle hey?
Oh, the mum guilt is real…
Then came the guilt. The girlfriend guilt, as now not having quality time with the other half in the evenings due to catching up on housework at 7-9pm, the daughter guilt as my mum and dad who were used to seeing me every other day were now lucky if I grabbed an hours visit on a Saturday and then the family and friendship guilt where I just didn’t have the time to text all night, arrange meet ups unless it involved Ffion (which defeats the whole point of a knees up really doesn’t it?) or just visit.
I’d look at mum accounts on Instagram and think ‘how have these women got their shit together?’… Honestly? That’s not me. I’m a mum, I love being a mum, I love Ffion more than life itself but I also love Lynne. She needed some time out sometimes too. I mentioned this to a friend (who was career driven AND managed to be an amazing mum), she told me to delve further on the Gram. So I did. I found the ‘real’ mums, the one’s who kept it real and were honest about how juggling motherhood, work and relationships was hard but worth the battle. So, this new awe that I was feeling for these mums let me to start my own account. To make sure other mums knew they were not alone. That being a mum AND being you at the same time is ok. It’s actually better than ok, it’s great to be honest!!
I won’t preach on here on how to juggle all these things as you have to do what is best for you. But I will share my stories on this site, just in case you are interested and think it may help.
All I know is, that since dropping my anxiety down a notch or two in the last 6 months I have felt calmer, my relationships are better, I’ve realised I can’t please everyone and I live in a dump! But hey! I have a toddler.. That’s the deal I suppose xx