June 23rd 2020
Week 15 of Lockdown
I’m feeling it guys. Like REALLY feeling it! Anyone else? I can’t believe it’s been 2 and a half months since I wrote about the start of the Lockdown!! Time has flown, but that’s mostly down to work being so busy at the moment.
I think the pregnancy hormones are really kicking in now too as I have been so emotional these last few weeks, crying quite a lot and when trying to explain to people what’s wrong I just reply with “I just feel sad… All the time”. I definitely have a bad case of the lockdown blues.
I’ve been worried about my mum, who is my dad’s full time carer and also worried about my dad who has recently started showing signs of dementia (which can be linked to his advanced Parkinson’s Disease).
I’ve also been worried about my baby. We’re still waiting for the scan date at the medical Foetal clinic at the hospital and I’m just keeping everything crossed that they have good news and all is ok with baby bean.
I’ve also been worried about the prospect of bringing her into this COVID-19 riddled world in October and even more worried about how protective I will be and not want anyone near her… Which which mean me isolating myself from everyone… Again! I seem to have lost my mojo. Which is not like me, at all.
A problem shared is a problem halved apparently?
It’s been emotionally draining being filled with these anxious thoughts and feelings and I thought I’d share with you guys if that’s ok? I’m using this as a personal diary I know, but I read somewhere that it’s good to get your thoughts out on paper (or in this case, a blog!) as it straightens it all out and hopefully puts things in perspective.
“There is nothing better than having a mate date and getting all your fears and worries out into words and knowing that they are they for you no matter what. Who needs therapy when you have walks and talks with friends?”The Swan Effect Mum…
I went out with my best friend last week and it was so good to get out in the fresh air and have the usual walk and talk session together (obviously social distancing) and then on Friday, whilst on annual leave I visited another very good friend in the morning and then another friend in the afternoon. Now, all 3 of these friends were with their children (as was I) so I suppose it wasn’t the most relaxing experience but it was great to finally see friends after so long.
I hope they don’t mind me mentioning this, as I’m not disclosing their names but each of them shared their thoughts on lock down and how it has had a somewhat negative effect on them mentally.
One friend has teenage girls, which has it’s own problems such as them wanting to go out with friends, not wanting to study for school etc. My two other friends have young children of primary school age and they have a mountain of school work to complete, which all needs mummy’s help and these two ladies are still working from home whilst their husbands are out working.
They’re exhausted! And lets be honest, who blames them? Us women are a force of nature, we all know that. You only need to read the history books to see women over the years who have succeeded in so much, all whilst being a wife/partner, daughter, sibling and mother.
But we’re also human. We can’t work at this pace for this length of time. We need a break!
We miss going for walks… Without the kids, so we can have a proper adult conversation without having one eye on what those excitable buggers are up to behind your back.
We miss dressing up, doing our hair and leaving the other halves at home to ‘watch the kids’ whist we meet up for a meal and drinks and put the bloody world to rights (I should be Prime Minister after a bottle or two of Rose wine!).
Image source: www.headstogether.org.uk
I’m doing it. I’m going to start being honest about how I feel!
I have started to tell people the truth when they ask how I am. I don’t go into everything, but I just reply with “To be honest, I’m struggling with this lockdown. Finding myself feeling really isolated and sad”. It’s funny, because once you open up to someone like that, I have found that they will actually open up back. Today a work colleague asked me how I was doing, so I told her and she replied and said that she was feeling the same and that she has started crying randomly because she just feels overwhelmed by the thought of having to do this for another 6 months and she was lonely.
So, I suppose what I’m trying to say is… Just be honest! If someone cares enough about you to get in touch and ask how you are, then be honest and tell them. Maybe the reason they got in touch with you in the first place is because they wanted to talk but didn’t know how to tell you they were struggling.
My plan, moving forward is to try and think of the positives. Ffion is really starting to communicate now and it’s great fun playing games with her, I still have a job and it looks like when I get back after maternity leave I will be able to work from home and have a more flexible work environment, which is amazing and then there is baby No 2… She will be the best thing to come out of 2020 that’s for sure. We’re starting to get things ready for her arrival and it’s so nice to have that to work on.
There is so much support out there guys!
We were sent this link by work today and I thought I’d share it for anyone who may be struggling, like me. There is absolutely no shame in being open about it because I can honestly tell you that from my personal experience, 90% of others are struggling with this whole situation in one way or another.
Lots of support in my private Facebook community group too!
If you are feeling overwhelmed at the moment or maybe even isolated during your pregnancy, maternity leave or motherhood in general then why not head over to my private Facebook parent community group? I started this group for mums to feel free to ask other parents for advice, share stories and milestones or just share the odd meme. It’s a new group and I’d love you to join. You can find the page HERE.
Stay positive… It has to be near the end now surely?
So, what I am trying to do is see the best in everything as much as possible. Life is short! Yeah, sure there are no more parties, no more childrens activity centres open and wearing a mask and rubbing your hands in alcohol is the new norm…. But it’s not the worst thing to happen in the world.
Like a mantra, I am trying to repeat this to myself daily!! Remember, reach out to someone if you’re feeling overwhelmed guys. If you feel like you can’t then reach out to me… I’m a stranger, with no connections to your personal life so you can say whatever you like to me without even a hint of judgement from me!! Honestly, look after yourself and the rest will then fall into place.
Lots of love and stay safe xx